Have you tried to reason with your anxiety or get rid of your inner critic by ignoring that relentless inner voice?  That’s very understandable - these are unpleasant and even painful experiences that most of us want to turn away from. In my experience (and what clients tell me over and over again) is that it rarely works and the critic comes back even louder and the anxiety is still there despite our best efforts.

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​In IFS therapy, instead of rejecting those parts of ourselves, we can befriend and understand them. IFS is a therapy that helps us become curious about parts of ourselves and understand what they are trying to do for us. Over time, this can help us develop a more compassionate relationship with ourselves and create space for parts that feel anxious, critical, overwhelmed or stuck. 

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​​What is IFS therapy? 

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At the heart of IFS is the idea that our minds naturally contain different “parts”. In IFS, we think of different thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviours as belonging to ‘parts’ of us.  Most people reach out to me for IFS  therapy when they have parts that are difficult to live with - such as a part that always keeps us busy even though we're exhausted, who puts everyone else's needs above ours, or who won't let you relax until everyone else is looked after. In IFS, we believe that these parts are created in us when we go through experiences that feel overwhelming, particularly traumatic experiences. In light of painful events, parts of us can take on protective roles to prevent us from being hurt in the same way again. A part might become highly alert to danger, another might criticise us to prevent us from making mistakes, while another might help us shut down or disconnect when things feel too much. In my work, time and time again I find that these parts make sense when we understand what they are trying to protect us from, even when they are no longer helpful in our current lives.

 

In IFS, we also hold a belief that we are all bigger than the sum of our parts, that there is more to us - a self that is not a part, or an inner core that isn't defined by our thoughts, emotions or protective patterns. Connection to our core Self can feel like being able to access more calm, curiosity, compassion, confidence, courage, clarity and a sense of connection.

 

This core Self isn't something you need to create or learn how to become, we believe it’s already within you, although it can sometimes be difficult to access when protective parts are activated or overwhelmed. This is where working with a skilled IFS therapist can make a big difference in your healing.

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What does IFS therapy feel like?

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IFS therapy can feel different from more traditional forms of talking therapy. While it is still the two of us sitting together in my cozy counselling room in central Wellington or spending an hour of therapy time together online, what we ‘do’ in that hour is a bit different. You will be invited to turn your attention inward and guided towards being curious about a feeling, thought or sensation. Sometimes, there may be a ‘dialogue’ with a part of you where you’re invite to ask the ‘part’ some questions. At times IFS therapy can feel emotional or insightful. Most importantly, will always move at a pace that allows you to stay connected to yourself and feel sufficiently safe throughout the process even when connecting with parts of yourself that may feel ‘difficult’. 

 

IFS therapy evidence-based?

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Research on IFS is quite young as the therapy was developed in the 1990s and was initially slow to grow before it reached its current popularity as a promising treatment approach. Research into IFS has found encouraging results across a range of difficulties. Studies have found IFS to be effective in reducing symptoms associated with childhood trauma and PTSD (Hodgdon et al., 2022), depression (Haddock et al., 2017), internet addiction (Mehrad Sadr et al., 2023) and chronic pain (Shadick et al., 2013). In the Haddock et al. (2017), IFS was found to be as effective in reducing depression symptoms as CBT and interpersonal therapy. Research into IFS is continuing to expand, with particularly promising applications in trauma and depression. 

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How is IFS different to other therapies? 

 

Many people I work with have already tried other forms of therapy, including CBT or EMDR. Some have found that CBT left them feeling as though they were trying to think themselves out of feelings. Others felt that they were trying to believe things they didn't actually believe were true. They really wanted the 'new beliefs' to be true and to leave 'unhelpful beliefs' behind but their nervous system would still get triggered and follow the old patterns despite their best efforts.

 

Some clients have found that EMDR wasn't the right fit for them, or that they didn't experience the progress they had hoped for. When more common approaches don't bring desired results, IFS can offer a different way of working. With time, as the nervous system and our parts heal and feel more robust, these more popular therapies can become useful again. It's just about finding the right approach for where you are on your healing journey. 

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Can I do IFS on my own?

 

The beautiful thing about IFS is that you can do it on your own or with your loved ones outside of sessions and with time and practice, it can become a way you relate to yourself and your parts in your everyday life.  Some of my clients read books about parts work, do guided practices and journal exercises to connect with their parts. They often find that it helps their connection to their parts. 

 

Individual, self-guided IFS work is very different to working with a trained IFS therapist. When we do IFS with a therapist, they see things our parts may not notice because of their protective patterns. Therapists also bring their own Self energy to the work which makes it possible to approach feelings, memories and issues that feel inaccessible or overwhelming to turn towards alone.

 

In IFS, the intervention is connection to yourself. The therapist can help create an environment where parts are courageous to step towards that connection. another regulated, compassionate person who can help you notice what you can't see, stay with difficult parts, and create enough safety for deeper work.

 

 

How do I find an IFS therapist 

 

There is no one way to do parts work and many great therapists incorporate parts language into their work without being IFS therapists. However, if you specifically want IFS and if you are hoping to heal from long-standing patterns like anxiety, trauma and dysregulation, it’s important to find someone who is officially trained. This means they’ve completed at least Level 1 training through the IFS Institute. This is to help make sure you have a good, and most importantly safe experience in therapy. As clinician and therapy client, here is what I consider important when looking to an IFS therapist:

 

Does the person have formal IFS training? 

This matters because training helps therapists understand how to work with protective parts, emotional activation, trauma and internal dynamics to an extent that simply reading a book or attending a workshop won’t provide. 

 

Do they have clinical experience with the issues you’re seeking help with? 

Someone with extensive experience treating trauma, anxiety, dissociation, etc., and IFS training may be a better fit than someone who has completed more IFS training but has little clinical experience with the issues you’re struggling with. 

 

Are they a registered mental health professional? 

In New Zealand, this helps make sure the person you’re working with is trained to a good standard, has clear ethical guidelines they follow and that they work under supervision which is important to keep the therapy safe. Professional registration on its own does not make someone a good therapist, and there are unregistered professionals who do great work but it is a useful safeguard to follow. 

 

And most importantly. 

 

Do you feel like you could trust them with time? 

Training matters, but research shows that the most important aspect of therapy is the relationship. You should feel able to ask questions, disagree, slow things down and tell your therapist when something doesn't feel right. You don't need to feel completely comfortable from the first session, but you should feel that your therapist respects your boundaries and takes your concerns seriously.

 

Useful questions you can ask a therapist before working with them: 

• Have you completed formal IFS Institute training?

• Are you a registered mental health professional?

• How long have you been practising IFS?

• What experience do you have with the difficulties I'm seeking help for?

• How do you work with trauma or overwhelming emotions?

• Have you had your own experience of IFS therapy?

• Do you receive supervision in IFS?

• Do you integrate IFS with other therapeutic approaches?